Five Kisses She Never Speaks Of
by Evenstar120
Summary: A kiss from a most unexpected source brings, if not comfort, at least some truth to Katherine.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. If they were, I'd have all the seasons through Zeo out on DVD, easily available to buy._

_Author's note: Well, I can't say this is the fic I expected to write right now, especially when I have a huge fic graveyard already that needs to be resurrected/finished and chapters on most of those stories written, just waiting to be edited and posted. However, when Panache started this challenge, I couldn't resist joining in. Interestingly, I wound up using Katherine as my base, kind of a surprise to me since usually I'd take one of the male rangers. Katherine's grown on me more and more, though, and I'm excited about exploring her character further._

**Kisses and Videotape**

Late afternoon, and everyone's ready to go home already and leave homework for another day. They have to press on, though, because she's managed to arrange with her father to borrow his special video camera from work for the day, but he needs it back tomorrow. Other students drift in and out of the house they've borrowed for the project, the one with a nice porch that can stand in for the balcony the scene they're taping requires. A couple of kids are in costume from previous scenes, a wanna-be filmmaker is trying to get the tripod set to capture the shot _just right_. Finally, he's satisfied and the action commences.

She's wearing her prom gown from last year; a bright pink satin she's accepted is just a little too bright for her complexion. This year's dress would probably be better, it's far more sophisticated, lighter, more suited to the scene they're shooting, but she stubbornly refuses to allow the chance of anyone from school seeing her in it before prom night. The other lead actor is standing across from her wearing a somewhat fancy, but artfully smudged shirt and black pants. She's not sure who made the costuming decisions, but as much effort as they've put into this assignment, it probably won't matter that she feels the costumes are all wrong, they'll still get an A.

The make-up she's wearing feels uncomfortably heavy on her face, and it's so warm out, she's beginning to perspire. She just wants to snap at the others to let her out of here, it's not like it's been a good day for her personally. The heat buzzes around her, making her more tired and irritable.

She wishes fervently it was Tommy standing across from her, ready to sweep her off her feet, but when she talked to him after school, he was making noises about writing to Kimberly again, just to finish things right. He never says as much, but she feels rejected nonetheless. So shooting a scene about finding true love is grating on her just a bit much.

"All right, Katherine, can you step in just a little? Good, yes, that looks more like Juliet. Hey, Romeo! Move in next to her." She's pulled out of her musings. Miss Applebee assigned everyone in the class a group for the final project. Then each group drew randomly for a scene in the Shakespeare play they read recently, and then each person drew randomly for either a male or female part in the scene. So here she is, unwilling Juliet, wondering how this is going to end.

She begins the lines where they left off, near the end of the scene, forcing herself to try to feel them. Maybe if she gets it right on the first try, she can go already. "Sweet, so would I: Yet I should kill thee with much cherishing. Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say good night till it be morrow."

"Sleep dwell upon thine eyes peace in thy breast! – Would I were sleep and peace so sweet to rest! Hence will I to my ghostly father's cell, his help to crave and my dear hap to tell." He answers her, and she knows it's too late to change course now, not with everyone watching and the video camera recording her every movement.

So she does what she's been told to do at this point. She leans in softly and lets him embrace her. For just a minute, she feels better, like she can pretend it's Tommy that's holding her, that she's loved as thoroughly as the heroine she's portraying. Before she thinks, she reaches up, aching to connect to someone, and in an instant, her lips meet his. He stiffens, starting to push her away, and that's when she realizes he's all wrong; his scent isn't the sweet musky scent of Tommy, his face is not the one she's been envisioning. Her face burns with shame as he quickly succeeds in extricating himself.

"That was AWESOME!" Director kid, she thinks his name is Kevin, is enthusiastic. He's been campaigning for a 'real' kiss the whole time, maintains it's not in keeping with tradition and art to not have Romeo and Juliet kiss on the balcony. "We should have all the footage we need. I'll edit it, and Katherine, you said I could borrow your computer to burn it to DVD, right?"

She nods, not sure she can trust her voice. Another Shakespeare character comes to mind now, and she thinks the damn spot of this particular transgression might prove as difficult as Lady Macbeth's to remove. It's too late now, though. The kiss is done, and duly recorded. Now everyone in their English class is going to see it when they present the final project to the class. The kiss will look like more than just a silly staged kiss, because from her side, in her imagination, it was real. She can't believe she's done this.

There's no erasing the horrified expression on Adam Park's face from her mind when she kissed him. There's also no explaining the _why_ of the whole thing. What can she really say? "I was lonely, I thought you were Tommy, being held felt wonderful, I _needed_ someone?" Even though it's the truth, no one, least of all Tanya Sloane is going to believe her.

"Adam…" she winces.

"Geez, Kat, what was that?" He's angry, and it takes quite a bit to get Adam Park angry enough to develop that kind of tone in his voice.

She lowers her head in shame, her face bright red. "I…I didn't mean to." She finally finds the courage to face him full on. "It didn't mean…" She can't burst into tears with all these people milling around. She can't. She fingers the star necklace she always wears, trying to find the words to explain. "It wasn't you. Please believe me. Please."

His eyes go to her nervous fingers, and comprehension dawns as he notices whose Zeo symbol resides around her neck and makes the connection finally. "Yeah, okay." He rubs the back of his neck nervously. "Just…you know." His unspoken body language is a warning to her to back off, leave him alone, not go to near him for a long time.

When the day arrives to present the project, the videos roll along, one by one, everyone in the class enjoying and snickering at times at their classmates' acting efforts, costumes, and unlikely pairings. Katherine waits for what seems like an interminable length, but finally she sees the bright splash of pink on the screen and closes her eyes, breathing as deeply as she can muster. She knows Adam told Tanya, but that he told her more or less that it was just a quick thing to make the project look more real; a stage kiss. When Tanya sees the video, though, Katherine knows Tanya will know.

She doesn't know _how _Tanya will know, but Tanya will. Tanya knows Katherine too well. It won't take Tanya long to notice that Katherine's response to the embrace is spontaneous, and far too effusive.

She opens her eyes just in time to witness the final moments. Her cheeks burn. Of all the people to be picked as Romeo…and in her group, no less. She's not looking at her erstwhile Romeo, instead she's charting the reaction across the room. And by the way Tanya Sloane is grinding her teeth, she's seen the real feeling behind Katherine's gentle swoon and upward reach to kiss Adam. And she is not happy.

Tanya knew about the assignment, knew what parts her best friend and boyfriend were playing, and she definitely didn't expect this sort of betrayal. Katherine can't explain why she acquiesced to the kid acting as director, can't explain why she lost it, can't explain anything except that now her heart is doubly broken. The disgust with herself swirls in her mind.

After the bell rings, Katherine hastens across, to see if she can catch her friend on the way out and offer…something. Tanya brushes by her before any kind of damage control can be thought of, much less acted on.

All the rest of the day, she has virtually no opportunity to speak to Tanya. They're in the same gym class, and Katherine manages to maneuver herself onto the same team as Tanya, but any hope for a moment is immediately quashed when Tanya passes the ball much harder than necessary into Katherine's gut. She falls backward, winded, and she realizes that the time to talk to Tanya is not when there are easily throwable objects in reach.

Finally, at the end of school, she corners Tanya by Tanya's locker. "Tanya, I…" she begins. Tanya cuts her off.

"Tell me it didn't mean anything." It's a demand, not a question. "Adam already told me he doesn't like you. Like that." Tanya's eyes glisten slightly, her jaw set determinedly so it won't tremble.

And she gets it. Gets it in a way that she didn't before when she was coming up with countless explanations and ways to pour out her soul. Tanya doesn't want details. She wants reassurance. Stunned to muteness, Katherine shakes her head in answer.

"Okay." They're not really okay, it will take weeks before there's an easy closeness between them again, before Tanya really accepts that Adam isn't going to suddenly turn to Kat and that Kat isn't going to betray her further and feels terrible about the whole thing. It will be a long time before Tanya really forgives her. But Tanya's sending a message, that if they never speak of it or discuss it, it's as if it never happened, and Katherine is grateful to grasp at the hand that's been offered to her.

When the disc with the video returns to Katherine, she hurries home, into her father's study, and drops the disc into the specially designed shredder that's made to destroy discs with data on them. As the plastic turns into sparkling shards, she breathes a sigh of relief. After that, there's only one thing left to do. She carefully erases the computer files holding what's left of the project, ensures that the video doesn't remain on the camera, and smiles.

When Miss Applebee asks Katherine if she can have a copy, for her records, to use as an example, Katherine is able to only lie a little and tell the teacher that owing to an unfortunate "accident" with the computer, such a thing is impossible. She nods along when Miss Applebee exclaims about what a shame it is, and ducks out as fast as she can.

When she reaches the Youth Center, Rocky, Adam, Tanya, and Tommy are all sitting at the table waiting for her. Tanya gives her a smile, the first one in awhile. She smiles back, her face wiped clean of any emotion. After a little bit, it gets easier. Adam actually meets her eyes with a little less wariness, Rocky stops looking like a bomb's going to go off any second, and Tommy, who's largely clueless to the interplay between the others, manages to get her alone when everyone heads off their separate ways and asks her if she wants to "Uh, hang out…you know…sometime this weekend." Really, this is a good day. As she answers Tommy with a smile and says that would be nice, she finally consigns the misbegotten kiss to the corner of her mind where it won't come up again. After all, it seems like she'll get what she really wanted that day. What fool would ever speak of it again?

_Man, I'm rustier than I thought. I almost forgot to cite my quote. The lines Katherine and Adam speak are from Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet", Act II, Scene II. _


	2. Second Kiss : A Lamp in The Darkness

_Disclaimer: I don't own them, or I'd never have let Billy go to Aquitar._

_Author's note: Well, a little later than I intended, but given my rather random posting schedules in the past, a little better than sometimes. Thank you so much to all of you who reviewed the first part, I appreciate it greatly! Special thanks to Dagmar and Panache, who are letting me play in their sandbox. _

**A Lamp in the Darkness**

The keys click into the lock and Katherine pushes open the door, dropping her purse and bag on the floor in a jumbled heap, not really caring if they are a mess right now. Her shoes land beside them. After that, it only takes a moment before what she's known would happen all evening does: "Ouch! Oh, ow, ow, owwwww! Her newly bare toes connect with the hall table she thought would look so pretty, even if it did crowd the way a bit. Tomorrow, she vows, she'll find a new spot for it. In the dark, it doesn't look so nice, and even if it did, she can't afford another stubbed toe. When you're a dancer, your toes take on an importance that seems to far outweigh common sense.

A few minutes later, she's making her way up the steps, dragging on the banister rail more than she probably should. She can tell by the soft glow in the hall that the small bedside table lamp is still on in the bedroom, and her heart quickens a little. Maybe tonight, he stayed up for her. Her hopes are dashed as she enters the small room to see her dear husband sprawled on his back, comfortably snoring away. Firm believer in early morning katas that he is, she should have known he wouldn't still be up at nearly midnight, especially when he has the early class to teach tomorrow.

So she takes advantage of the light in the room to undress and not hit any more furniture. She pulls her sweatshirt over her head, pulls off the athletic pants she wore home and carefully peels off her good pair of performance tights. She's put runs in two pairs already in the last few months and they're not cheap. After placing it all in the hamper, she pads across into the bathroom where she begins pulling out the ten thousand bobby pins that secure the tight bun. She turns on the shower, steps in, and washes off all the stage makeup she still has on, rinses out the hairspray that shellacs her hair into place. Once she's dried off and pulled on a pair of pajamas, she goes back to the bedroom half hoping that all the movement will have roused Jason into at least a half-waking state for just a few minutes, but once again, no such luck.

It's the downfall of pursuing her dream in performing ballet. She knows now that she'll never be the prima ballerina or even a regular soloist for the smaller stuff, but she knows that if she doesn't at least perform for a little while even if it's in the chorus, she'll regret it. Not to mention, when she eventually begins teaching and opens the school she's begun thinking more and more about recently, it looks fantastic on her resume that she danced for a couple of years with a major company. The whole thing's taking a toll, though. She misses seeing Jason in the evenings when she's performing, and his teaching schedule doesn't lend itself to waiting up for her, even though she knows he sometimes tries and is just too tired to stay awake. Performances start at eight o'clock and she's rarely home until at least eleven – and that's if she hurries.

She pulls back the covers, pushes an arm covering her side of the bed out of the way, and climbs in. Jason moans in his sleep and rolls over, his back to her. She rolls her eyes slightly. It figures. She was hoping to cuddle unobtrusively up to his chest, but now she'll have to make a much more major move. So she pushes up to him, pressing herself against him, molding herself to his back. "Jason," she whispers. "Hello, sweetheart."

He just grunts and she rolls back to her side of the bed planning the next move. She doesn't want to wake him up, but she wants some sort of loving gesture. "Hmmmph," she mutters to herself, barely resisting the temptation to poke him with one dainty toe. She reaches over and snaps off the lamp, plunging the room into darkness.

Maybe it's this that rouses him finally, but all of a sudden, he rolls back around to her. "Mmm, baby" he mutters, and with his lips now accessible and starting to search a little for hers, she reaches in, feeling repentant, and kisses him. For a minute, he responds, but shortly he falls back into whatever dreamland he's lost in and gives an indelicate snort as he does so. "Good night, sweetheart. I love you." She whispers it to him, and smiles. He promptly gives a loud snore and she can't suppress a soft giggle.

It's funny, she thinks, because it's not the kind of kiss she envisioned when she stood up at the altar and married him. At that time she was thinking of passion, and of sweet, perfect, tender kisses every night, the kind that in high school you fantasized about and were poised to whisper about in late night conversations with all your girl friends. Those kisses were the breathtaking, passionate, exciting first kisses, the heartbreaking kisses, and the thrilling ones. Anything else would seem boring by comparison.

Here, now, she knows she and the others were wrong. The passionate, thrilling kisses are wonderful when they come, but a half-sleeping, maybe a little snoring kiss is not boring right now. Not when she's glad that he still managed to kiss her good night even though it's late and he's not very awake, not when she's glad to be lying next to his strong body, and secure in his love. The kiss is a glimmer, the lamp that guides her home to him. Tonight it's a promise of love, of steadiness, of fidelity. It's not the stuff romance novels are made of, but it warms her all the same.

It's her private moment. There isn't anything to say about it to Jason tomorrow morning, because at some level, he'll understand already and feel the same love from her. It's definitely not the kind of kiss she'd tell her friends about. Maybe they'd understand, maybe not. Instead, she pulls the moment to herself, smiles, and slips into sleep.


	3. Ashes

Standard disclaimer: I don't own them and am in no way associated with anyone who does.

_Author's note: I've made it to the third chapter and am working on the final two. Originally, this was going to be my first chapter, but it just didn't seem _right_ at the time. So I abandoned it, and then went on to write some others. Although at one point I thought I'd leave it out entirely, I finally decided that I wanted it in. So, for better or worse, here it is. And pretty please, leave me some feedback?_

**Ashes**

Only now, with all pretenses finally stripped from her did she remember clearly that first kiss, the taste in her mouth: ashes and blood and fire. She'd tasted destruction, perhaps even their eventual demise when she'd given herself over to it; and even though she had never understood why, she had found enjoyment in the bitterness. A part of her, thrilled, hidden, attracted to the danger she felt emanating from the moment.

Of course, there had been countless other kisses over the time Katherine had spent with the man she was soundlessly watching walk away from her for the final time as her lover. She was, after all, Katherine Hillard, the beautiful Angel Grove High School valedictorian, the good girl, a lady. Those kisses were the innocent ones after seeing a movie with the whole group, a few romantic ones at prom, but none of them ever came close to the searing heat of the first one. They were the ones that everyone expected a girl like Katherine to have, from the most gentlemanly, handsome boy in the school.

She'd loved Tommy from afar for a long time. No secret to anyone, but as usual, her schoolgirl crush had been restrained by her loyalty to her friend. Kimberly was gone, but her presence lingered. Katherine smiled slightly. At long last, she and Tommy had gone on a few chaste dates. He picked her up, they went to a movie, dinner, maybe both. They held sparkling conversations; maybe a little bit of flirting, maybe some tame handholding. Their relationship progressed more or less as Katherine expected, as she hoped it would. She had never considered that there could be more. She was giddy, excited, filled with blushing adoration for Tommy.

Not until she stepped into that ring did she understand. Violence. Anger. And even when she'd dropped her shields, presented herself to him almost like some sort of clichéd vestal virgin, she felt the sting of his blow against her bare skin. Unmorphed, it was searing. Yet she didn't flinch. "Tommy, it's me…" She ignored the pain, fire rising inside of her, even a little bit of fear. In that instant, she almost morphed back, her desperate focus not as much on saving Tommy but taking her revenge for what Gasket had done to him, nearly forgetting that escalating the battle was against the rules. But the rules were for that other Katherine, the girl she'd thought she was, not the person she'd suddenly discovered. She wanted to rip every damn bolt in Gasket's metal body out, and then continue until there was nothing left.

The only thing that prevented violence was Tommy suddenly stepping towards her aggressively again only to fall limp in her arms. In an instant, Katherine came back to herself, comforting, holding, reassuring. The familiarity of the role flooded her, and her tears were tears of relief. Relief that Tommy was back, relief that the other Katherine was gone, relief that she hadn't failed as a Ranger. After she was home, away from the others, away from the relentless forced cheerfulness and blowing off of steam that nearly always followed battles, she sobbed with grief. Tommy was not back. The evil spell was lifted, but she'd seen it, as she'd seen it countless times: instead of returning her warm hug and smile, the empty, pained, guilty look in his eyes made her cold.

So she did what she always did. She tried to fix the cracks. She made his favorite cookies, pitiful offering that they were, and gathered her love around her. When Katherine rang the doorbell, knowing full well his parents weren't home (and they couldn't discuss this tragedy in front of parents anyway), she held out her small peace offering to him and stepped through the door before he could protest.

They sat on the couch in silence for an hour. The unwritten subtexts of such a visit sat between them almost like a physical presence hovering. As the grandfather clock in the Oliver's living room chimed the top of the hour, Katherine found herself becoming angry, restless, as though Tommy's mood was consuming her as well. Just as she got ready to get up to make her excuses, thinking to herself that he'd finally gone too far, this was too much for her ineffective hands to fix, he looked at her. It was the first direct look he'd given her since she arrived on the doorstep.

Entirely unsure what to make of the whole thing, she reached back for one of the cookies. Strange thing for her to do, they were chocolate chip, and although they might be Tommy's favorite, Katherine didn't care for them at all. Deliberately, she took a bite; holding his gaze, almost as if she was demonstrating against her will that this was the normal thing to do when your sort-of girlfriend brought you baked goods. She chewed. Actually, this batch wasn't so bad. He reached around her and grabbed one too, eating his far faster. Finally he spoke. "I…I…" He took a deep breath as if to try to continue.

She placed her half-eaten cookie on a coaster. "No. Don't." Her hand gently slipped to his mouth, silencing him. He pressed a kiss into her palm. She came forward, initiating, pressing herself into him, unasked, uninvited, maybe even unwanted. It didn't matter any more, none of the pretenses of demure behavior, none of it. She placed her mouth on his firmly, and was surprised to feel him respond, pull her closer, hands around her waist, moving over her. A part of her cried out that this was not what she should do, this was not what she had come for, but Katherine crushed it with a brutal strength she had never possessed previously.

She gave herself over to it completely, straddling his lap, digging her fingers into his long, loose hair, thrusting her tongue into his mouth, tasting every part of him. She'd always expected it to be different, that there would be a coy game coming up to the first, magical touching of lips. This was pain, terrible, black depression pouring into her from him. Her body felt as though it was bursting into flames, but not the passionate ones she'd heard about. These flames were destruction, burning her away. Blood was in her mouth, her real blood, the blood from a cut in her lip that came from battle, the iron coppery taste slippery, fluid, repulsive. Yet she could not get enough even as the flames scarred her heart and she drowned in rivers of blood. There was another taste in there, one at first she could not identify, but that came to her as the kiss deepened yet again. She felt consumed, as though there were nothing left of her, and deep somewhere in her head she heard a black robed minister whispering to her that she was ash and to ash she would return. The Katherine that had vowed violence on Gasket was burning away the Katherine she _was_, and she could taste that girl's ashes on her lips.

At last the kiss broke. Tommy stared at her, surprise in his face, but there was no surprise in his eyes. He understood. Katherine ached. She had touched the violent, evil side of Tommy, and he had at last seen her as she was, every part of her, her capacity for wrath. She knew he would never let her see him so unguarded again. She had stripped him in a way he would never truly forgive her for. The part he knew he must never indulge she had brought to the surface, and instinctually, she knew she could not indulge it again without making a permanent break in him and in herself.

He began to reach for her again, but she shook her head. No. "No," she said softly. Katherine gathered her tattered dignity around her and stepped away, disentangling herself from him, smoothing her skirt, pursing her lips, still tasting the blood and ashes in her mouth. Bitterness. Destruction.

They never did speak of it again. Katherine made up some story for the polite company of her girlfriends, something trite about moonlight and a romantic date. Even when Tanya gave her a long, searching glance afterwards, she stuck to her story. Tanya might have seen her come home with her hair wildly messed and her lip bleeding, but even Tanya could not know the truth. Tommy was a perfect gentleman, and Katherine was his perfect lady. They even deluded themselves to the point where the moonlight and romantic date story seemed like it was the heaven's honest truth, wiping out the other memories. No Ranger craved destruction, blood, ash.

She stepped back into the present, her vigil continuing as he got further away from her. His shoulders were hunched, almost defeated, but there was still something in his step that was resolute and unflagging. She didn't cry, couldn't cry. Nothing had been between them for so long other than politeness and friendship and lies. Nothing since the kiss, the true first.

"Tommy."

His steps stopped entirely. There was such a long pause before he turned around that she wondered if he would at all, or if he would begin again the long walk towards the gate where he would board the plane to take him back to the United States. At last, he faced her.

"I'm sorry." She wished she could convey truly her feelings, her sincere regret that things had not worked between them; regret that she had stripped back all he was proud to be and touched his deepest flaws, violating him.

His face worked for a moment, and in a few strides, he was back standing in front of her. "I know."

The memory of the first kiss hung heavy between them.

Slowly, he gathered her face in his hands, her head tilting up to meet him halfway. She closed her eyes and felt his lips meet hers. This time, all she tasted was the regret. All she tasted was the bitter ashes on his lips, a benediction to what could never be.


	4. Passing of the Pink

_Standard Disclaimer: I don't own them, and I'm not making any money off of this. _

_Author's Note: Well, it's been too long since I posted. But I definitely know I want to finish this series, so I'm working on the final chapter now (as well as other writings). This chapter is a little different in perspective from some of the others. I've tried to make sure to get Ranger details consistent with the pertinent episodes, so hopefully no mistakes on that score. Thank you very, very much to everyone who's reviewed the previous chapters. I appreciate it enormously. Hope you enjoy this chapter._

**Passing of the Pink**

If she hadn't been seventeen and youthful and known that the glass she clasped had only the soupy remnants of some sort of sherbet punch, Katherine knew if she'd just have happened on the scene, she would have mistaken herself for a long-time drunk. Heaven knew, although she'd never drunk any kind of alcohol seriously in her life, and her thinking was purely hypothetical, she was pretty sure that right now she could start with very few regrets. It was all just too much. The dark circles under her eyes were camouflaged by both the dimmed lighting and probably a good deal too much make-up. Even so, she sat, nursing her cup, refusing to come out of the shadows.

"Hey," came a cheerful voice, startling her. "Anything else I can get you?"

She shook her head, having placed the portly gentleman finally. All the new faces and names! "No, thanks Ernie. I'm fine." Even so, she didn't let go of the empty cup. She was pretty certain that if her hands didn't stay occupied, she might do something embarrassing. Like run as fast as she could and beg her parents to take her back to Australia.

Right now, she was eternally grateful for the fact that there were a large number of people present for Kimberly's farewell party so she could be alone with her thoughts. It was the final one of a whirlwind of party after party for Kimberly, as though no one could bear to say good-bye. She'd attended every one, watched as people hugged, kissed, and congratulated.

Anger burned in her, even as she tried to stifle it. _What about me? Doesn't anyone care about me?_ She knew no one had meant to neglect her, but even that failed to console. Well, if they couldn't make the effort, then she'd prefer to be alone. The contradictory emotions and thoughts whirled in her head. She wanted to be alone, but she wanted to be the center of attention. _Good heavens! Never enough, is it?_

Having finally taken a spring off the high diving platform now seemed like an easy feat, not the final conquering of a long-held phobia. She'd urged Kimberly to pursue dreams, dreams she could never realize. The jealousy she felt at that thought sickened her. She watched as several of the other rangers dragged Kimberly off the dance floor for yet another photo, another good-bye.

"Ernie! Can you take a photo of us?" Aisha held up her camera as Ernie happily hurried over. "Ooooh, girl, I can't believe you're going to Florida! You have to be so excited!" The rest of what she said and Kim's reply were lost in the clamor. The flash broke across the room, illuminating it briefly.

She watched as Billy shyly walked up to Kim, taking her hands briefly and whispering something to her. A sardonic smile curled her lips slightly. This had to be hard for him. He'd known Kim since they were children, before Tommy, before ranger hood. She suspected that perhaps on his end, there was a little more than friendship, but she shook the thought from her head briefly. _Stop it,_ she chided herself mentally. _You don't know him well enough to presume such things. _

She closed her eyes briefly as she watched them all gather for a group photo, naming each one to herself as they took their rightful places next to Kimberly. Aisha. Rocky. Adam. Billy. Finally, Tommy stepped in, throwing his arms around the petite girl. And then it hit her as she looked at the cozy tableau again, stabbing her right through the heart: Kim stood in the center, wearing a pink dress.

No ranger ever wore another ranger's color. Ever. It was one of those unspoken rules she'd known herself subject to once she had felt the power coin pressed into her hand. They were rules she was still learning, still breaking in subtle ways. She felt especially childish at that moment; who was she to begrudge Kim the right to dress any way Kim pleased? It was _Kim's_ party after all. She owed Kim that much respect.

Her jaw tightened as she stared down at her own party dress. She'd had it for quite some time, long before she'd moved to Angel Grove. It was lavender, a knee-length A-line dress with a floaty, filmy skirt she loved. It was one of her few non-pink pieces of clothing, and staring down, she knew she'd worn it as a subtle act of defiance, as a hope that she'd be able to resist her jealous thoughts, her vain, stupid hopes that Kimberly would be forgotten once Kimberly went to Florida. That instead, Katherine would be the dear friend to the rest of the rangers, that she wouldn't be compared to Kimberly over and over and over in everyone's minds.

Of course, there was Tommy. She'd tried to steal him from Kim. Her face, even in the darkness, flushed visibly crimson. She _had_ to forget Tommy. It was just that he was so…omnipresent. Every time he spoke to her, her heart still jumped, a coy smile still slipped onto her lips. She prayed it was just the remnants of the spell left over, but feared and knew inwardly it wasn't. Thinking of Tommy, she glanced over to the dance floor. He and Kim danced close, Kim's face uplifted and glowing with happiness. Slowly, beautifully, he reached down and brushed his lips over Kimberly's. It was a picture of wholeness, of everything she lacked.

It was too much for her beleaguered heart. Feeling the dam break, she set her glass down, hurried off her stool and out into the hall with the lockers. The tears she'd stubbornly fought for the last weeks coursed down her cheeks as she pressed her lips tightly together and refused to sob even as the tears dripped onto the front of her dress, staining the fabric. She took a deep breath as all the jealousy, rage, and pain came to the front of her mind. _I can't give in to this_.

"Katherine?" The voice was achingly familiar, and belonged to precisely the one person she did not want to face. She didn't have a choice, though, because before she could even wipe her face properly and paste on a cheerful look, a pink blur came around her to face her.

"Oh, Katherine, what's wrong? Oh, dear" Kimberly put out her hands in a gesture of friendship that nearly broke Katherine's heart entirely. "You're crying. Are you all right?"

Without waiting for a response, Kimberly hurried forward and threw her arms around the other girl. "You must be pretty scared. It's such a big deal to assume powers, but Zordon wouldn't have let you if he didn't think you could do it. And I wouldn't have chosen you. I know you can do it." She stepped back briefly and gazed sympathetically into Katherine's red-rimmed eyes. Katherine looked away. If Kim kept that up, she'd see that the tears weren't fear so much as pain and a deep envy for everything Kim possessed – wonderful friends, a chance at the PanGlobals, that perfect, pert way of sizing up the world...

"And you will make a wonderful ranger. I trust you Katherine." Without warning, the smaller girl reached up. Her lips brushed Katherine's cheek gently. "I really do," she confirmed, her dark eyes full of gentleness.

_But I'll betray you. You know I will. I'll betray you in the worst possible way. Not as a ranger. I know that. I will never fight for evil again. But I'll betray you as a person by loving Tommy. By wishing that I could be a Pan Global athlete still. By acting as your friend even as I try to take your place, subtly erase the memories of you. And even worse, it will be me. Not a spell, me. Good grief, _she thought, sickened, _I'm even doing it now. _

Even as she let the traitorous thoughts glance across her mind, Katherine saw only gentleness in Kimberly's gaze, locked piercingly into her own. She felt herself faltering, her jealousy and anger dissipating into only an overwhelming sadness for the changes that would take place by necessity. _The life I knew is gone._ She knew her thought held true for everyone on the team. Even for Kimberly, who was ostensibly going on to bigger and better things.

As she stood there unable to move, she knew in some part of her that she must return Kimberly's gesture if there was ever to truly be a peace between them. She reached down. Her lips touched the soft skin of Kim's cheek and lingered for a moment before she drew away.

"You'll be okay then?" asked Kimberly softly, smiling, pacified by the gesture.

"Yes, Kim, I will. Really. I just need a moment. It's all so overwhelming."

"Okay. I'll see you back in there, then. Seriously, if you need anything…"

Katherine nodded and Kimberly departed. Reaching into the pocket dimension, she felt for her power coin. The metal felt cold and hard in her hand. There was no consolation there. She knew anything good in that coin was linked to every other person on the team – and to Kim. Her face burned. _I know I may not succeed…at least, not fully. But I have to try. I have to try to be the person you think I am. To deal with the other rangers even when they don't realize how they hurt me. To stop all of my ugly thoughts. Through all of this, I will remember this kiss. No one else will know. But I will. I will remember that you looked into my eyes, and called me 'friend'. _

At that, she faced the doorway leading back into the youth center, the thoughts continuing to echo in her mind. _I have to try. To be a true ranger, I have to at least take the first step_. And slowly, tentatively, she walked through the doors.


End file.
